short story-

I slowly inched down the accelerator. Faster, faster. It felt so good to just loose myself in the speed, the glimpse of snow coated tees as they blurred together. I basked in the thrill of shooting along the road, a mere meter away from the dangerous wall of rock and the rough sea repeatedly smashing itself into the sharp rocks. I pushed my little car to go faster, to make me forget their whispers, their subtle glances. I cranked up the radio as my car devoured the frosty road. As I pressed harder on the pedal, the white lines passed by faster, until they were just flashes of light on the dark gravel. I was trying to escape their taunts, my memories, wishing I could take back my mistake.  They say you should learn from your mistakes, but what was I supposed to have learned from this? That my friends were actually selfish jerks who only liked me because of my amazing parties and sharp wit? I’m sorry, but maybe that was something I just didn’t want to ‘learn.’

I wondered what would happen if I slipped, if I lost control over my little car and went tumbling over the barriers to my death. I imagined the unfortunate person that would stumble upon my smoking car and see my lifeless body, sprawled on my battered seat, with the seatbelt that had failed to save my life still strapped across my body. I imagined my family, anxiously sitting around the kitchen table, not daring to think the worst, but suspecting it anyway. I wondered who would have to be the one to tell my parents that their only daughter was dead. I imagined my parents trying to explain to my confused little brother that he was never going to see his big sister again, that she was in heaven, with grandpa.

I wondered who would break down while choosing an outfit to wear to my funeral, who would block their ears, so they wouldn’t hear the dull thud of the lid being closed over my body, forever gone. I imagined my boyfriend, Matt, swearing to never love again, in front of all my family and friends. I wondered who would burst into tears when they saw my cold, lifeless shell lying in a bed of flowers. I wondered who would have to dress up my corpse with my favourite dress and put makeup on my expressionless face, to give it the hopeless illusion of life. I imagined the newspaper headlines, the news stories. I wondered if my high school would have a mandatory memorial assembly, where people who had never even said a word to me would talk about how much they’d miss me, while the rest of the school just wanted to get out of the stuffy gym. I wondered where I’d be buried, if people would stay to watch them throw the cold dirt over my casket, and know that I was gone for good, never coming back. I imagined my final resting place, the muddy dark brown soil, holding my lifeless remains in a cold embrace, forever. I wondered who would know to put down white peonies, my favourite flowers, on my grave. I wondered who would smile fondly when they saw the goofy pictures of me in the school yearbook. I imagined my mum, finally picking up the courage to venture into my room, laughing and crying when she saw my unmade bed and discarded clothes all over the floor.  I wondered if anyone would even take the time to visit my grave, or if I would be forgotten, just another silly teenager driving too fast.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t see the thick ice coating the road ahead, or the temporary flashing lights telling me to ‘slow down.’ I realised how stupid I’d been, of course people still loved me, my family, my friends. Just because I was going through a hard time doesn’t mean I want to die. But by then it was too late, I felt the car spinning out of my control and on instinct I slammed down the breaks and sealed my fate.  My car skidded wildly across the ice, and all my panicked attempts to stop what was about to happen were useless. My car slid through the road barriers as if they weren’t even there and then I was falling. Falling through the salty air, and into the ocean's waiting arms. I didn’t have enough time to feel scared. My car struck the surface of the ocean, and I felt the jolt travel its way all through my body. Everything went black.

And then I died.